What Do I Tell My Friends?

A Children’s Corner Resource

After someone you love dies, it can feel hard to know what to say to friends, classmates, or coworkers. You do not owe anyone your whole story. You get to decide what to share and what to keep private. Here are some options you might use.

If You Want to Keep It Simple
You can say:
“Someone in my family died, and it’s been hard.”
“I’m going through something right now.”
“It’s a tough time for me.”
“I’m not ready to talk about it.”

Short answers are okay.

If You Want to Share a Little More
You might say:
“Someone I love died because of a crime.”
“There’s a court case happening.”
“It’s complicated, but I’m taking it one day at a time.”
“Some days are harder than others.”

You can give small pieces of information without explaining everything.

If People Ask Too Many Questions
It’s okay to set boundaries.
You can say:
“I don’t feel comfortable talking about that.”
“That’s private.”
“I’d rather not get into details.”
“Maybe another time.”

You are allowed to protect your story.

If You Don’t Want to Talk At All
You can:
Change the subject.
Walk away.
Say, “Thanks for checking on me.”
Ask a trusted adult or teacher for support.

You are not required to educate others about what happened.

If Someone Says the Wrong Thing
Sometimes people say things that hurt, even if they don’t mean to.
You can:
Say, “That doesn’t feel helpful.”
Say, “I know you’re trying to help.”
Decide not to respond.
Talk to a trusted adult later.

You are allowed to have feelings about what people say.

If You Want Support
You might say:
“I don’t need advice; I just need someone to listen.”
“Can you sit with me?”
“Can we talk about something normal for a while?”

It’s okay to ask for what you need.

Important Reminders
You control your story.
You can change your mind about what you share.
Some days you may want to talk. Other days you may not.
Both are okay.
Grief is not something you have to explain perfectly.

Gentle Closing
If conversations at school, work, or with friends feel overwhelming, talk with a trusted adult, advocate, counselor, or family member. You do not have to handle this alone.